#Instant Gratification


I wrote in my earlier posts that we live in a world where we want things instantly. I have been immersing myself in self help books of late to heal myself. It’s funny how the world uses one another. It can be cruel sometimes. But, some of us are made to believe the intentions of others are innocent. When in reality, it is far from the truth. People use one another. To get things, favors, comfort. They dangle notions of benefit, profit and love. Sometimes, concern. Why do we puke emotional poison at one another? Is this why there is so much pain in the world. Where is the love? The brotherhood?

The scenario goes this way. Someone gets emotionally wounded by another. Since, he can’t take the pain he finds another for comfort. He wants to heal himself fast. So, he finds the shortest route possible. A replacement. In order for the replacement to bestow comfort, he dangles the notion of benefit, profit or even love. After he heals, he walks away wounding the replacement. This replacement finds another replacement. And, the pain continues like a virus.

All this could be prevented. If the first person, had decided to heal himself. It’s like building your immune system. If you rely on medicines, you will always rely on medicines. But if you let your immune system fight it, you become stronger. However, in the world of instant gratification this is never the case.

We run away from pain. We will do anything to run away from it even if it means to inject the poison into another. It’s like an addiction. We need one after another to stop the pain. Does it ever stop? Really? Truth is…your baggage gets heavier. The only way to end it is to go to the source. It hurts. Yes, it does. But it stops it for good.

Because of all the pain. Some of us put up shields. Or we are forced to put up shields. Like a security system for a computer. We have to put up pretenses. Forget the brotherhood, forget universal love. There are many viruses out there who would not think twice to suck out an innocent unprotected system. Some of us get tired of being hijacked. Used. Drained.

There is a beautiful saying.

“Those who are heartless once loved too much”

And the viruses, shields and pain will continue…until we all take a moment to heal ourselves.




I woke up abruptly from my sleep. The dream was still fresh in my memory. So, I decided to write it down. I was at a buffet. But it wasn’t in some posh restaurant. It was in a van. Some donation drive. There were small makeshift tables. I remembered being very hungry. I grabbed a plate. Surprisingly, the plate came with food in it. The portions were unbelievably small. I remembered thinking how ridiculous it was. I obviously wanted more. So, I help myself to the table. Filling my plate with food and feeling damn enthusiastic about it. Then I find cloth on the next table. Covering the food. I don’t find it odd. It was stacks and stacks of silk. It looked darn expensive. I thought to myself why they would serve this. I honestly tried eating it. I even teared it. Then, I felt guilty i might be ruining it for somebody else.

Next, i dream of an old man having a heart attack. Another man in the crowd starting praying islamic verses. I prayed the only Shivan’s mantra i knew. The old man miraculously heals. He suddenly looks like a hindu priest. There was an altar near him. But somehow, i felt deception. Like he was faking it all along. He grabs saffron from a chinese urn. The saffron looks expired to me. He places it on my forehead. He demands 10 bucks for this act. Like, he was demonstrating all this for our good. I got irritated and left. No way was I giving a con man money.

After this, I see myself at a shoot. Apparently, there’s a character that constantly commits suicide. This time, someone says he really committed suicide. I run to the scene. I find him lying on the floor. He had blood on his hands. But then, he survives and fights with this other guy,

Common symbols in my dream were death. Seeing someone fake their death meant deception or more of self deception. Perhaps I was fooling myself about something in life. The food has an interesting interpretation to me. The plate already came with a serving. Perhaps, I am unhappy with what life gave me. Or i felt like i had an unfair start. So, I help myself to a buffet. I find silk cloth. But I am unsure what to do with it. It could mean I am unsure what to do when a good thing happens. I accidentally self sabotage myself. The man who suicides is a good thing actually. Death usually means ends of a cycle. And, for someone who is recovering like me. It means I am ending a few patterns in my life. For good this time. Suicide is a choice. So this time I am consciously ending things. Which is true. I made a few new decisions in my life. I am planning to stick to them.

#Life and its mysteries

It’s funny. We live in a world where we crave instant gratification. We get things instantly. We want food instantly. Friends instantly. Clothes instantly. Success instantly. Love instantly. Yet, we are unhappy. Yet, we feel so unfulfilled.

But one thing doesn’t lose its charm. Life. You never know what it throws at you. That’s why we’re still in the game. Hoping. Fearing. Wanting.

So why create expectations?  When the rule is to expect anything or everything. Perhaps, we have to stop telling ourselves what we want to do in life. Instead, try asking what life wants to do for you. You’ll be pleasantly surprised.

In the meantime, enjoy the game. Don’t use walkthroughs. Don’t use cheat codes. Don’t see how others are playing it.





#Little box of wishes

Write down all your wishes. Even the crazy ones from childhood. Put it all in a little box. Take one out each day and make it happen. The one that wants to come to make it happen with you, is the one you’d enjoy spending the rest of eternity with.