Well i am back from Borneo. And i have started my life in Singapore back again with a video. I took this video back in Borneo in a hotel room. My room mate was kind of late. Most of my friends were at a bar. And i didnt like the atmosphere nor do i drink, so i sneaked back into my room. Was really frightened to shower and sleep alone. I usually dont like sleeping alone! So i put on some music and started bellydancing. I didnt dance for tempted to touch in this video, just to some random indian and arabic songs.
Well where do i start. I have so much to tell about my trip. The amazing people i was with and the amazing people i met. An unforgetable trip. I tried working on my project and a documentary while i was there. I dont want to reveal my plans much on a public blog. But i have plans. Big plans. There is a gold mine of issues there.
I left a family to meet another there. I lived in a simple Kampong called Batuh Puteh there. There was no internet. No taxis. No fast food restaurants. Simple life. I kind of expected things like that. I had been in India before. I adapted pretty quickly. The people are amazing. They arent rich. But their hearts are so big they can offer so much. I walked around the kampong like i belonged there. I could not speak malay, i would use hand signs and broken malay to talk to them. Yet i made so many friends there. Good friends. People who would try their best to help you without any expectations. This driver guy called Kamza would drive me to so many locations to shoot my documentary. And he didnt charge extra for it. Honestly, i wasnt quite interested in doing just the digital storytelling project. I wanted to make more out of the trip. The driver knew my situation and drove me around. He even staged the tractor taking away oil palm so i could capture it with the camera. How can i ever thank him? Or Hatti who would hold the umbrella for me while he gets wet in the rain. Or what about Ding Ding. The guy who was well experienced and yet humble.
Why are people there so different from us. Does poverty make people better human beings? Women there had issues like indian women have. Possesive husbands. But i guess it happens in modern society too. I had seen my own share of possesive men who claim to give freedom to women and yet trap them. I am not only reffering to modern malay and indian men. Its universal.
I have so much to tell the world. I dont want to earn lots of money out of this documentary. I am doing this out of passion. Since young, i loved film.
I lived with a family there in my kampong. I rather call it my kampong. I had a mom, 2 bros and 3 sisters. Machik (aunty), Corrina, ami, anda, abang and kacha. Thats what we called them. they would laugh at my jokes. I like to make them laugh. I guess Borneo is my mini Kerala. Maybe Kerala in my dictionary means Eden. My real hometown has turned into a graveyard ever since my bro died. I dont think i would want to go there yet. I had found my kerala in Borneo. I love the people there. Ding Ding reminds me of my bro. The people there are so friendly they would wave to you.
On the last day, we all cried. Machick brought her tiny plate and ate the last lunch with us. What hurts me is….would i see that family again? Honestly, i love borneo alot more than Singapore. Not all could adapt as well as me i guess. I think Florian and i can move into Borneo. I am dying to tell him what i saw. My dad told me we will visit Borneo in God’s grace. But before i move in, i would love to travel with Flo to other places. I like the idea of homestays. And Flo is someone i can trust. He doesnt act funny with me. I wish people were more like him. Innocent, straightforward and good natured.
I learnt more about my character when i came back. I dont hurt people who hurt me. I am not the vengeful type. I can forgive. But i notice i cant forget. Its like when someone hurts me (bad way), i kind of note them, observe if they hurt me more, once they do i label them as dangerous and keep my distance from them and then disappear from their lives. This has been the process with quite a number of people. I dont know why. When i love someoe, i trust and love them like no one has ever done before. When they really hurt my feelings i dont say anything back. I just move away. Its my nature. I dont know what i am doing is right or wrong. But this almost happened with my dad. Especially over the issue with my bro. I almost ran away from him. I am torn between them both. But my dad didnt do anything on purpose, so my heart is able to forgive and forget. Even tho there is tiny black dot. But i love my father no matter what. He still means the world to me.
There are two people who loves me alot. One is my dad another is my bro. My bro is gone but atleast i have my dad. I trust very few people. I trust my close friends Flo, Traviz and now Angel. I guess i will learn to forget. I cant quite blog my problem. Forgive me for that. I never keep diaries. My secrets are buried within me.
I realized in this trip how quiet natured i am. When all the kids play, i sit alone and think. I like thinking. Shu hui asked me why i frown. I am lost in my own world of thought. I have so much to rearrange. Shu hui understands me alot i guess. But i know ive become awfully quiet. I dont talk much anymore. I was so tired of hanging out with my partners. I excuse myself close my room door and think. Gaze into the mirror, think about practically everything. I really liked being alone i guess. Its just that i choose to be alone sometimes. Nowdays i am alot more moodier. I love looking at the sea or scenary outside my car or boat and think. When i talk too much, i find i have no time with my mind. I realize i do the same at home. I sit down in my room and think. Well i have blogged my mind out.
I have sought helpd from lecturer for my documentary. I need a formal letter from my school to tap some info from an organization. I hope Chin boo can help me with the formal letter for my documentary. I want to do this well. Chin Boo is a nice and kind lecturer. And he takes my idea seriously. So i guess he is the best person i can approach. Well thats all i have to say for now. I am thankful to all those lovely people who made my trip great. I had been moody and quiet the whole time. Sorry. Thank Shu hui, Liqing, Pamela, Vanessa, Fat, Adlin, Zid, Maybelle, Ying Ying, Adrian, Derrick, Melvin. I really pray i didnt miss out anyone by accident…