Today, i dreamt of my bro again. He was lying on my sister;s bed. I sat beside him and stroked his chin and asked him why he never kept his beard. He was nice and cuddly as ever. Not wearing a shirt. He was quiet. He didnt say anything. He just looked at me with those eyes. In my dream, its like i knew he was going to die. He came to Singapore to see me. And my heart was aching with the fact that this handsome guy will be dying in a few days. I had tears in my eyes and i stroked his hair. He kind of told me, he would be there 4 me 4ever. I woke up with the dread that my brother is really dead. I missed him so much.
Sometimes during the long bus rides to my school, i cry. I cry when i remmeber how he imitates shaggy’s song. Or when he makes fun of me. This semester is a devil. I had no time to heal my heart. Ive been losing temper. Getting angry. Not being patient. I dont like telling everyone that im sad and upset. I rather hide my condition.
Yesterday, one of my classmates had a heart problem. My heart jumped. Cos it reminded me of my bro. I didnt want her to suffer like my bro. I dont want to ask too much. I dont know. I just felt i better not. But i worry.
I am waiting 4 that holidays. I want to take a break. See my family in india. The pain is getting too much. After NVP3, i realise i must relax. I must not be too hard on my group mates. I am used to working non stop. But i cant expect them to suffer without food or water.
I learnt to smile more and relax. But then again, some people slack too much. I cant kep calling after you to be serious. Ive the same workload as you have. Its always nice to lean on another group member. But not alwyas.
Im keeping check on my behaviour. I will try not to be too mad. I am too tired to be mad at anyone. We have a big age gap people. Its very very hard to work with people of not your age group. I dont know how long more ive to work like this. I have no rights to tell dem to be serious. I was playing just like them when i was their age.
Ive been thinking of some things lately. Ive been getting premonitions that i might be really getting married. Hmm ive been seeing flashes. Lets see what lalita says to that. Dont tell me i didnt warn you. Maybe after this sem holidays i might be mrs ****
Its been a long since i had a good talk with ny of my real friends. Just lately, all this weird flashes of this very someone i dont really want to be married too. I think those of you who are close to me, should know who it is. But i beg god not to let this come true. Cos its gonna suck being married to him. God help me…
just 3 more weeks
and here i come KERALA 🙂
I miss that place so much