Today i get a call from india, that my brother has on;y 2% chance of survival. And after 5 mins, we recieve another call that God called him. I have no more tears to cry. I loved him so much. I didnt know i loved him this much till tonight. It took me a long time to understand he is gone.
Do you guys remmeber a green string tied to my wrist.
It was tied on me 5 years ago by my brother, when i was leaving to singapore. Indians have a believe if you blow on the string with religious verses you will get well. And my bro ran to get me this string and tied it on my hand cos i broke my leg. Even though, i never believed the string has power, i never took it off cos of the love i had 4 him. Deep inside my heart that night, i made a promise that i will never untie it till i come back to see him again.
Tonight as i looked at the string i couldnt help crying. Cos i wanted to keep it as a surprise to show him that i loved him so much. He meant so much to me. Despite being a matured girl, i used to sleep beside him at night. My relatives werent happy. But age didnt matter to me. Cos he was my bro.
Tonight i learnt another lesson. That death is inevitable. This world is very temperory. And our journeys should be fully utilized to learning and doing things we like. Thats why i want to learn dance guitar, and do what i like. My ideals and goals arent cliche nor is it conventional. But i am only given one chance.
I dont know if my brother enjoyed life. And i hope he had loved God enough so he reside in heaven. I pray to my Lord that the angels will be gentle with him. Cos he means to me so much. I am very unlucky cos i can take care of my rabbits when they near death, but i culdnt even be beside the one i loved the most.
Its so strange, that whoever i chose had something so close to my brother Anas. Even my ex, had some sort of simiarity to him.
We would sit watching the sunrise drinking tea. And there is never a day he never forgot to make fun of me. He would always tell me that i wet the bed when i was young and he a;ways had to wake up to wash me. He would always tell me that i am a stinky person. But i knew he loved me the most among us three.
I never really knew he would leave me. I will miss his hugs.
I want to confess to him something
It was true i broke my leg once. But the 2nd time i lied it broke again cos i didnt want to leave to singapore cos i wanted to spend more time with you. I feared it would take too many years to come back and see you. That much i actually i loved you. I just hope you attain paradise”