REPLY TO RESOLUTIONS AGAINST ROMANCE

I am very honored to have been requested to give opinions on Mohan’s blog. http://curlumnist.livejournal.com/6398.html . Just in case, if you are lost. This guy is coming up with three resolutions.

ª             To avoid falling in love

ª             To become incapable of falling in love

ª          To learn to be lonely.

He also believes love is more of a need. So, i am really happy to write my opinions about it.   

I shall just address the post to Mohan then. I have a particular interest in this topic, so i am writing a whole post on it.

I had been just thinking abt the exact same thing you wrote today. Its really strange that we share similar opinions to a certain extent. I was thinking about all my past relationships. And analysed how much i was in love with one particular person, and then i learn to forget him and move on. And then i find myself madly having a crush on another. And then i learn to forget him. So love isnt forever? What if i lose the love over a person i marry.

Love is not only in marriage, but in family and friends as well. Have i fallen out of love with my sister. I dont seem to get along with her as i used too two years back. I agree that love isnt forever. This was something i learnt.

I had been deeply in love before. And at that point, i thought this was it! But now, i feel empty for that very person. So maybe what they show on romantic movies and novels are all fake. Maybe love has to be consistent. Once we break up, there is a higher chance of 4getting that person and moving on. Lets take an example of my parents, i cant say they get along well. But they stick to each other and i believe they love each other as well. Love is not about saying sweet nothings. Sometimes, love can between two siblings who fight all their lives.

You are absoutely right to say LOVE IS A NEED. I am not sure if you have watched the film castaway. I think thats the title. Its about a lonely man on an island who talks to a ball and calls it a friend. Human beings need human beings. It can be in the form of a life partner, parents, friends or siblings. I do disagree when you say that we can find a way to live alone. I think that would cause quite a problem to our psychological state.

Human beings are selfish. Love is not really that beautiful. Love is a need. We need to be loved or we need to love.

As for your 3rd resolution. Hmm. I am talking about love in a very general perspective. Love inculdes friends family and everyone. You can choose to remain single. Thats purely your opinion. But no human being can live without interactions.

After reading your post, i feel maybe you had been heartbroken before. And you rather choose to remain single. Well, i am somewhat your case. I am remainding single not because i am tired of love. I need a break. I need to settle some things. Love can be made to last 4ever. But it will never be in the form of sweet nothings. More on the form of care and concern. Its quite sad that people think of love as what Romeo and Juliet shared. That is a very unrealistic way to look at it.

 I hope you liked my opinions. Take care and thanks for commenting on my blog.

Figure 8 with shimmies video

Merry Christmas and a happy New Year to all of you. I am glad to recieve emails that you people appreciate this blog. In this video, i have done a figure 8 n a shimmy drill. I was not really impressed with the way my teacher was teaching this step. I have nothing against her. But i believe a dancer needs to visualise. I learned the idea of using “pens” from Rania. And it help me understand the figure 8 better.

Shimmy DRills

My next video is going to tackle shimmy drills. I have heard some dancers who finds it boring to practise on their own. Firstly, what is a shimmy drill. Shimmy drills are basically doing shimmies and combing other steps like snake arms, chest circles or undulations. It sounds hard. But practise makes perfect. I am going to play with a little creativity for those who are hanging out there.

Updates on this blog

Since this blog is really helping you, i have decided to write reviews on bellydancing stuff and maybe tips on makeup and costuming as well. Please do comment on what improvements you want. I would also love to put mp3s on this blog. Unfortunatly, wordpress doesnt allow me . If you need a song, do ask me. Do feel brave to put up a video response, so we can see how we are doing. It did help me alot as a dancer.

Power rangers video

This video was done by me. There is a reason why i didnt post it from my id. I dont really like my dad’s side of relatives viewing my dance videos. I am not comfortable with them. Or really in good terms with them. But i love the after effects i did 4 this video. It was an inspration from the power rangers video some engineering students did.

Well all these are my cousins from my dad’s side. I love em all. All of them Such sweethearts. This is like a video 4 this people.

Drum solo video with animation

The first part is a lame animation done by me. I had to play with after effects to practise 4 a test. I was desperate so i decided to do something simple for  my video. Rockets and planets have no relation with bellydance.

This video is something i uploaded again. I had to edit the video as my teacher wasnt too happy with the idea of sharing art. So, the rotation shimmy and drum solo demo is 4 all of you. Enjoy and practise and add it to your dance vocabalary.

Today, i sat down and read deeply about child art therapy. I had researched on it a long time back. I wanted to explore it deeper. I borrowed a book and read it. I decided to heal myself with art.

I sat down and drew whatever that came into my mind. I thought abt all the frustrations. Starting with the anger towards my ex, towards men in general. Towards liars. And i focused it all on my 1st piece of art. I gave the character a name and a story. I also thought about my brother as i drew. It looked very disturbing and scary. Like i am some sort of lunatic.

The 2nd picture was disturbing as well. A gal looking out of the window. I made it the same character. The sceneray outside is of a path with trees. Its all colorful. But herself and the room is black and white. I thought abt where those who passed on went to. I created this path that led to there.The window was the only barrier between my character and that world. That world is colorful.

The 3rd picture was of that world itself. All the lost people, animals and things now belongs to that world. The world is happy. No one dies. No ones disappears.

I will upload them soon on this blog. It looks scary and disturbing. But i feel happy. I feel like i created a world and put my bro in it. Its colorful and happy.

I thought abt stress in my school and drew a big black never ending hole which reflected the stress i was goinng through. Its never ending.

This art therapy helps. I know many people find it hard to believe it. Especially, my script 4 last sem was of this. It was a distubing story. I can bet my lecturer hated it. But i dont know why i wanted the script to talk abt this subject. I wanted people to know abt such a therapy. Even my photography teacher was freaked out by my story. Even i am.

I will continue to draw and make things to reflect whats in my heart. And dancing helps me alot as well. My holidays started. I will start my personal research on drum solos and upload videos about it and write about it. Do keep reading this blog. Take care

Sabreena

The “FEELINGS” POST

I am just here to write what i feel. I am upset. Very upset. My brother’s death is really not easy on me. I look at the green string on my hand. I feel as if he’s holding me. Th relationship betwen him and me was very strong. I have many many regrets with his death. Too many. Its not as if i wasnt given a chance. I was. But its my fault that i cant differenciate between a premonition and an ordinary dream. I rather believe what my culture said about such dreams. If you dream a person is dead, he will lead a very long life. But all that i can say is…i was very wrong.

Not for people like me. Lalita and i were discussing one day. How nice will it be if we had a filter to see what a premonition is and what a dream is. If only..

I wish i was given a chance. Just another chance…like that day i woke up and realised it was just a dream. I dont know if i should hate my dad for making me think my bro was not sincere. He was very sincere. He was genuinely sick. He needed help. I am young. What can i do in the midst of adults. He is gone. And i feel very very upset that he doesnt even know what my dad thought of him.

Its been 5 years. He doesnt know how tall i am. How i look now. He wanted to see us so bad. What happened is very unfortunate. I feel guilty.

The only link i have is his mother. But i feel frightened to call her up. Its so many memories. I feel scared. But i have to. And i will. Send her whatever i can. Go and see her. Feel the empty spot. But i dont know whether i am strong enough to go back to that place.

Kerala was heaven to me. It was like really heaven. I have everyone there. Not like this empty graveyard like Singapore. But now, to think Anasikka is not there. I dont feel like going there. To face the reality that he isnt alive anymore. I rather stay here and imagine he is alive.

But i haf to go to take care of his mom. I am sure he must have thought about it at the time of his death. I know God tests us for a reason. I need time yo pick up myself. To understand everything. To understand death.

This world is temperory. Look around us. Everything perishes. Everyone disappears. Where do they go? Is there another astral plane where dead people belong. Can they see us. What do they do till the day of judgement. I know there are spirits. Jinns.

Then we would go somewhere. Hell or heaven? Maybe heaven is not what we imagine one Earth. Heaven is not this bridge up in the sky with a rainbow. Maybe heaven is not a place where we can get all the rich palaces we want, or money. Maybe heaven is where we all reach a higher status. Where we dont desire for money sex or carnal stupid stuff. Since there is no greed, we are all happy. Is that heaven? Is that really what it is. We all would be there. And all the bad people will suffer in hell until they realise the true heaven is to let go of ur disgusting desires.

Lets face it, Hell is earth. Look at us. Splurging money on unnecessary things when we know there are people dying and suffering around us. Why dont we share? Its something small. We dont haf to give huge sums of money. Just a little. Everyone puts a little. Why dont people think the same way. Why are some of us selfish?

We screw up and manipulate religions that were suppose to uphold humanity. We personalise it to terrorize or do things our way. Why? You dont even live forever? You are gonna die and all your hardearned crap will be left there?

I know there is a place. Which is permenant. It may sound dumb at these times to believe in God. You know what? I dont care. If you believe you can be selfish…i can believe i can believe in whatever i want. Since everyone on this earth is not the same. I am just the way i am.

I have decided to live a life different from others. Thats florian and my dream. We will do it. This post is emo. Its only a place where i can vomit what i feel…

Typical singaporean women vs ME

After such a long time, i am going to write a post which reflects my true feelings about the society. I miss writing them. This may be a bellydance blog now, but i cant help but use this as a place to talk out what i feel. A week back, i had a makeup assignment for an indian lady. This post might be a little biased. To be precise, i think its important to note she is a Singaporean tamil lady who is about 35. When i was putting on makeup for her, we had a nice chat. She kept talking about how often she goes for manicures and facials. And how bad she felt she hadnt done one.

I experienced this when i was working as well. Women who go for spa treats. facials even during lunchbreak. I almost wanted to tell her… “Its been years since i went to one”. But i stopped, because i guess i wanted to uphold the image that all makeup women encourage facials. My people, Malayalees are known for their simplicity. If you watch our movies, there is not an ounce of makeup on them. Maybe deep inside me, i uphold that culture very strongly. I love makeup. But, like ive told all of you earlier, i have an obsessive nature. Its makeup today, tommrow it might be body art.

I dont thread my eyebrows. I dont do facials. I dont rebond my hair. I dont do hair treatmeant. Did you all note, that i NEVER dye my hair? Well, i find many asians trying to imitate the western culture blindly. I am an indian. I am born with black dark hair. And i am proud of it. But many singaporean young women actually dye their hair and wear colored contact lenses. I dont do any of those. And i wont do it in the future. I have nothing against any culture. Its just that i am very proud of my origin.  Its been almost a year since i went for a pedicure. I dont color my nails. I have never done a manicure before. I love doing massages on others but ive never been to one before.

I dont use moisturiser. I dont use special facial cleansers. I DONT USE PERFUMES. Many people are surprised by my lack of interest in perfumes. I love the natural arabic perfume oil. I love the smell of musk. I think musk is for guys. But i love it and i wear it. But not everyday. I use deodrants. But not all the time. I dont stink. So i guess i dont need it.

I spend money on organic shampoos and conditioners. I am willing to fork out cash to avoid chemicals and to promote health. I dont like chemicals. I love using henna on my hands. I guess its really not in my blood. I cant be singaporean.

There is a stereotype that singaporean women are expensive. I am not. In fact, i dont expect you to pay for my dinner on a date. I would hate it. I like to care and share. I dont mind paying for you, Not because i am egoistic. Its because i care for that person. I dont expect a guy to fork out cash on me. Its not fair. He really has a life too!

Did i mention, i despise expensive restuarants. The ambience is all great. I remeber once eating in some top indian restuarnt with my good freind. He paid more than 100 for a meal. I was sinking in my seat at the thought of 100 BUCKS FOR A MEAL! I CAN COOK BETTER THAN THAT!!. The food was nice anyways. But that 100 bucks could have been a donation for poor people, 100 people could have eaten food that day.

Do you know where i like to eat?

Cofeeshops. Dont be surprised to see a nicely dressed sabreena (shanu) sitting in a coffeeshop or hawker center drinking her favorite tea! I am very particular about dressing. Thats the only thing i am particular about. Not because of beauty. Dresses dont make u look beautiful. It shows who you are. I dress to match what i feel. If i am dressed like an indian who gt lost in sinagpore, it would tell you i am holding onto my culture strongly.

HOW MUCH DO I PAY FOR MY DRESSSES

I know of women who pay 60 bucks for a top. 300 for a top. But thanks to god, women’s clothes are much cheaper here. I pay around 30 bucks. Thats it. Or sometimes 20. I create my own fashion most of the time. I dont really believe spending too much money is good. I feel guilty and remmeber poor people. Dorothy perkins is a great shop. But, the guilt of buying from there will kill me. I fork out money for my dance. But not too much again. I dont mind forking out cash to learn an art. I love learning

I am weird. If you ask people who know me, they would tell you. A little eccentric. But i am not a bad person. I am just very different  i guess. I never fit anywhere. And i dont think i want to. Some guy friends have told me how women change their voices when they speak to their boyfriends or some special guys. Their voices become husky more sexy. And they tell me how different i am. I have a chipmunk voice over the phone. Its just me. I crack wild jokes, I dont feel i should always be ladylike.

Flattery and me

We dont go well together. I dont know how to deal with flattery. Flattery is nice. But i am lost when it comes to dealing with it. I say, “Thanks”, and quickly change the topic to, “hey hows your day!”. And its so obvious sometimes, that people tell me, “hey shanu stop changing the topic!”.

I guess i dont belong here. I never wanted to be part of this culture. I like being different. If you say short skirts are fashionable, you will see me in long skirts. I do things opposite. I like bellydance cos no one does it. No one knows it. Its hidden. And i want to project it.

Singaporeans to me are very safe thinkers. Cliche. But great people. Carefree attitudes. Kind and generous. But, i am very much the malayalee. To me its important to be different. Most malayalee women have a great sense of humor. Try dating a few. lol. Its super rare in singapore to find a pure malayalee. I dont know if i plan to stay in sinagpore. I want to run away somewhere quiet. A forest. Or a farm. Adopt a child from a war country. Help people. Oh yes, bellydance and then die

DRUM SOLO PRACTISE

I am down with conjunctvitis. Sorry i cant pronounce that word. I perfer to call it bacterial eye infection. Please pardon me, i am an indian. lol. I am totally depressed that i am on MC. I missed two tests. I have many tests next week. I was so upset i decided to dance. I have an upcmoing performance. I am very bored of dancing to sahra saidi. So i have decided to come up with a new choreography. This choreography is inspired by a dancer by the name of amirafromsamadhi. She is a tribal bellydancer. But i really fell in love with her moves.

I first saw her performance a few months back. I loved the music she used. Raquy and the caveman. I told myself i shall dance to it one day. Today, i finally bought the mp3s online. I used some of her moves and mixed it with a few i knew. I hope i would be ready by the time i perform.

Thanks youtube people

I dont know many of them. In fact, i hardly know anyone. But i am very grateful they leave me comments to tell me where i should work on. Espcially fellow dancers. I find taking videos of myself reflects my mistakes. This is one way to learn. Openly recieving comments makes you a better dancer. Maybe my real gurus and teachers are the youtube people. Its funny and strange. Not only are they encouraging, they tell you clearly your bad points. And i try to work on them.

My life..

Staying few days at home is hell. I remmeber my brother. And coming to terms with the reality is very very painful. I cry sometimes. I see him in my dreams. I know ive not been praying properly lately. And i fear maybe my bro is not having a good time. He means so much to me. I pray that God will protect him from the punishment of the grave. My life isnt really very entertaining, There is school, projects, work and my dance. Dance is the only thing that keeps me alive. Ive been spending quite some money on it. And i am gonna share whatever knowledge i learn. I cant be selfish about it. Nor am i gonna sell it.

The movie

Its worrying me. I hope everything works out this weekend. I hope Keenan would be prepared. And i really hope he manages to talk like an arab. I hope the costume would be ready. I hope it doesnt rain. I hope Shu hui makes it. I hope everything goes as planned. And i hope it realy looks good on screen. This film means alot to me. This is the 1st time i am getting professional with equipment. And i forking out some cash. I am also planning to make some cookies again to feed my darling casts. Sometimes i shld thank the casts for spending time and effort for me. They dont get paid. Bt if i ever become a director, i will call them and this time pay them i am already beginning to have some favorite casts. I like using them. I love the way they act. They are easy to work with. They suit the film. I really want to use them in the future. Even if i am going to be an indian movie director, dont be suprised to see multi racial casts.

I M VENDING MACHINE

Directed by : Sabreena Eugene and Dhuha

This project is finally done. To be honest, we had alot of problems making it. We screwed up many connecting shots. And i was very frightened at the state of all of us. I turned it into a music video. Eugene didnt have much to say. I pitied him the most. He worked very hard. The song was done by me at around 3am in the morning. The lyrics and everything else was pretty much rushed. I even planned to use the voice of my mother. In a way, its good we screwed up. Our project is very unique and certainly doesnt embrace cliche.

We have to thank Dhuha for stylising the video. I didnt know that the age gap mattered until i worked with them. Dhuha’s interests, the way she thinks is a totaly different wavelength, I guess she probably thinks i am a naggy old lady. I wish i could sit down and talk to her and explain why i am so serious sometimes. It must have been hell working with us. 2 extremely boring people. It reminded me of what we learnt in psychology. Jargon. She was talking about tv shows, music videos. I could not find a common ground to tap and make a conversation with her. Most of our conversation were about the project.

I guess its hard for me toadapt. I dont expect anyone to be serious about work as i and eugene are. We had already been working outside. And its hard for us not to be serious. I guess its the same with them. Dhuha did help us alot in stylizing the video. Even though a part of me is frightened that she probably thinks i am extremly ancient and naggy

But i am glad its finally done and over with. As for our new mockumentary, we are going to be really professional about it. I am even in god’s grace going to purchase a camcorder. We have gotten audio equipment set up. We have adrian for after effects. Keenan’s mad brains for ideas.  Costumes. Ian’s great paperwork skills. We need more people. Working with the new kids, i realise they all have special talents.

They may be alot quieter than my older class. But i cant deny that they are talented. If i were to choose a crew, i think i wouldnt have a problem.

Andrian, james jacky – after effects

Shu hui, liqing, joshua, keenan, Bryan, kelvin - acting skills

Ben – animation

Fotoshop- Michael, lyonn Dhuha and Diana

Costume- Jen

Jonathan- anytg technical, a great encyclopedia on the set

Ray and Keenan – aboslutely anti cliche ideas

Editing – Joshua

Eugene and ian – stable minds, they can keep crazy minds like me stable on the set

I really cant think of anymore. I am sure i missed alot of them in the above list. For now, its andrian, ian,Ray, shu hui and keenan who are working with me for the mockumentary. I want more talented indivisuals to help. This could be just your port folio. Lets just put aside main road ideas, screw the rules and do something entirely away from cliche.

Our shooting would start in God’s grace next weekend. Those who are interested contact me