My sister’s Graduation ceremony pics

Well, this is the most cliched ceremony i have ever attended. It started with cliche talk about the graduates, a cliche political biased video of how great their institution is and a cliche talk about how far graduates must fly. Then there was cliche food and cliche drinks and cliche eating. My mother was the only entertainment there. She kept shouting to the ang mo man in malayalam, “Enik veshakinnu” (I am hungry). The ang Mo had difficluty prnouncing indian and chinese names. There was this particular girl, her name was Foo Chee. And my mom, kepy shouting back Fuji. She is a real joker! I laughed like crazy, even though it was a formal occasion.

My mother is such a joker

My father is camera shy. he is isolating himself from his joker wife.

My sister and her tamil friend.

 

Now my turn to wear the hat

My sister is going to futher her studies in UK. And that means she will be away from us. Even though, i am happy i can take over her room, i am sad cos we have never seperated except for the time she went for a study trip in UK. That too for a week. And my mother cried so much in the airport that she vommited. She jacked up the phone bills by calling my sister every few hours and asked “Have you eaten Moley(daughter).”

I wish to travel around the world. But thanks to a typical indian mother, i cant do that easily. She thinks i will be kidnapped raped and sold off as a prostitute or my eyes and kidneys will be gorged out and i would be made to beg in the streets.I remembered being so upset with her silly tantrums, that i ran off to Jb once and spent two days there and switched off my handphone. My mother didnt kill me but she was very upset.

I guess i am old enough to take decsion for myself. My dream is simple, i dont wish to go to exotic places, just live in a village like a villager. Help the poor and learn cultures and observe people, think toooooo much and stereotype them all.

I would like go to Thailand one day and help the people there. And this time, i wouldnt listen to my mother, i would just leave…

MAKING MY OWN BELLYDANCE COSTUME

Today, the organiser of the NDP float thought i was bellydancing for the event. I was taken aback. Mainly, because i wasnt prepared. The costume. Isnt it way to revealing? And the last thing people would want, is me dancing in my bra. At a school. I told her its a little inappropriate. Unless, i get a more conservative costume. Not a bra. Since most costumes are cabaret type. After reading some useful websites, i have decided to make my own. Trust me! Its cheaper than forking out a 1000 dollars!

HIP SCARF

Invest in a gooood hip scarf

Get a skirt or sew one for yourself. I plan to use my long skirts instead of getting one sewn.

Well that top is still a bra?

What i plan to do is to get sleeves sewn…see through material or something that flares towards the end. In that way, only the waist would be revealed and it wouldnt be such a terrible outfit! I guess i have to customise it for  myself!

Well i hope this helped.

Long skirts can be gotten from THIS FASHION. Its cheaper there.

ALL ABOUT MALAYALEES AND BELOVED KERALA

 

Pay no attention to the irritating guy ogling at the kerala damsel. Well, this is how a typical keralite looks all dressed up. To my surprise, i discovered something very odd about my culture. We must be the only ones in india who DONT WEAR SAREES!!!!

In fact, our cloth is short and we wrap it as a towel across the chest and fasten it with a waist chain.

When i went to a saree shop, none of them knew what a neriyath is? They were trying their best to help me. They didnt even understand when i spoke in broken tamil. Then, they brought a lady claiming she was a malyali. She could understand what i said. And she did know my culture well. But i strongly think she isnt a malayalee. Or a pure one.

MUNDU VS NERIYATH

Mundu is a later version of a neriyath. Malayalees are not very colorful people. They wear only white or red silk with golden borders. They wear very little clothes too! No jokes. In earlier years, we only wrapped silk towels around our chest or waist. There wasnt any blouses involved. Men have a long white silk dhoti(like a skirt) around their waist. This too had golden borders. And they are topless, only a silk white shawl is worn round their necks.

So, after an hour of explanation to a tamil tailor, i got my suit sewn Its just a towel lah…lol

Where do malayalees come from?

That was always my question to all my relatives. Malayalees do look weird. Some look like malays, some have colored eyes and hair. So, they did tell me.

Kerala had always been close to arabia. They still are. We did trading with China and arabia. And we inter married. We do have chinese blood in us. I am not stereotyping, but i am glad i didnt get their eyes. But, most malayalees have a chinesy nose and a yellow undertone.  But sadly, we never got their silky nice hair…

Vasco da gama died in Cochin. And portugese and dutch came over. Turks occupied india and they got their way into kerala. In fact, many came and went.

Now i  finally understand why my cousins have green and blue eyes. I found it strange. I have black, even though i wished i had their eyes. We call them…POOCHA KANN…which means CATS EYES. And they are many out there. Aishwarya rai is one of them. Even though she was born in Mangalore. Mangalore was a part of kerala. So that explains her eyes as well.

Even though i am not light skinned like most keralites are, i am glad i have this brown tone in me. It looks like the perfect tan many people try to achieve And it suits my curly hair and make my eyes stand out better…

HOW TO IDENTIFY A MALAYALEE

Very simple.

All malayalees love TEA. HATE COFFEE.

They are usually light indian skin tone or brown with a yellowish undertone. If they are dark, they will have a yellowish tinge.

They all have curly hair.

They all have a type of eyes. I think they call it almond. Looks sorrowful too.

THEY ALL HAVE UGLY NOSES…except me

THEY ALL ARE TALL…except me.. :’(

They dont speak…they sing languages out

They are great at racism and cricism…lol

They love coconuts and bananas..its everywhere in KERALA

They all have tea time.

They can learn languages very fast.

They can learn your culture in a minute

They will also make fun of your language and culture the next minute.

They only sing melodious songs.

They are able to understand hindi and tamil.

They hate the tamils (sorry)

They love/hate /but dont mind Punjabis

They hate everyone except themselves

They love kerala

They hate shakila(kerala’s porn actress)

They love politics

They have Scary Surnames such as Warrier, Nazi, Stalin.

They have malayalee family names, Menon..Nair..

Malayalee Christians Have Such big names , Bobby fernandez..John abraham

Their children have weird nicknames such as Chikku, Chinnu, Chakki, Femina, Meenu, Rinku, Teenu, Tinky, Pinky, Munna, Kichu, Chinju, Shanu, Baby, Ancy, Mincy, Fimsy, Dhimsy

They only love two actors…Mammooty and Laal Ettan

They remind white people that they were chased out in the year 1947 from India

But they settle down in America

Lol,…thats all i can think of now

Dilemma with kerala….

What you see above is a neriyath, A costume worn by Keralities

Now,the problem is…Somehow i got involved with the NDP float…I am an impulsive person. Melanie called me in my handphone and she sounded excited. And i joked back that i would join if she wore a saree as well. And she became super excited. And i told myself. i cant move back now. So, i agreed.

Initially, i planned to tie a saree on her. Yes, she would look marvellous. She has a petite figure. Unfortunately…i dont really know how to secure the saree on the hips without pins.

So, i thought i will get her one of my pakistani suits. With lots of the indian jewellery.

And, since i am a proud keralite. I guess this is an opportunity to show NP and SINGAPOREAN who Malayalees are! And i told myself, i am draping a neriyath over my body.

But the problem is…

I dont know how to tie one…

And so does my mother…

Trust me…she doesnt even know how to tie a saree..

Then luckily, i remembered my fellow people from kerala…living in chua chu kang. I will get them to tie the neriyath on me an get back to school on a cab. I guess i will die of heat the whole day. But, the satisfaction of representing kerala is just too great to miss. Even though, technically its Singapore’s birthday..I still feel i am a keralite. And maybe i can represent the tiny tiny portion of malayalees out here. And thank Singapore for allowing asianet(malayalam channel) on starhub cable Tv.

The only thing, which i might not follow in the costume is the…

SIDE BUN WITH JASMINE FLOWERS..

Firstly, i fear i will be overdressed, even though i am patriotic of my people back there. Malayalee costumes are the simplest in all cultures of india. But compared to chinese and other races…it is still over powering… I mean we only wear a towel on our self…a silk towel..

But then again, i might wear the Bun with some flowers on the hair to complete the kerala kutty(gal) look…

But i am so freaking old …and old looking…

with saree i met just look 60 years old! Haiz.. Sometimes i think i should back off cos i am way too old for this sort of fun. They should go for more energetic people from my class…

Oldly yours

Sabreena :’(

Bellydance video by me for Shakira ve/ Lending my voice to another issue in society

 

Well, i remixed this song. I mixed the orginal and the remix to produce this one. I hope you guys enjoyed it. I did hip snaps, hip jerks (thats not the name) and egyptian twists in this dance. These were my main focus. I did the shimmy a little different by adding in undulations. Trust me…i died after that. It was very difficult!

A little voice to the world

Apart from my videos, i still want my blog to address some issues to the society. I was talking to Melanie casually about relationships. We have a private joke about it. People frighten me nowdays. Melanie does haf a point that good relationships are important. I know i am old fashioned. But, if you love someone, why dont you honor them with marriage. Some people tell me, if you trust someone, you dont have to really tie the knot.

Imagine introducing someone dear to you? Boyfriend vs Husband. When someone hears you are married. They immediatly back off. But when they hear you are attached, they still try their luck. I still am frightened of people who love and have sex but dont have intention to marry them. You love them but dont want to risk living with them? These are just some questions in my head to the world.

Sometimes people fear marrying the wrong guy, therefore they rather stick to relationships. Its a scary feeling for me. Really. How can you love a person and never want to live with them. To me, i feel its not about distrust or being afraid of society. I dont care about society. If i love someone, i will honor them with marriage. So i can show everyone, this person is important to me and this is why i chose him over all other men. Its like buying a doll and having it for yourself forever. I dont think i can ever accept cohabitation.

Virginity?

Whatever happened to safeguarding your virginity before marriage? Am i backwards? Is it wrong to be pure and only let your husband or touch you?

A person told me thats bullshit. You miss all the fun. I find it very difficult to sleep with people just like that… Then another told me, what if your husband is a jerk? And has slept around…I honestly dont care. I jsut want to respect who ever who fills that position. i know i am backwards. And i dont care what the world thinks of me..there is no relationship for relationship.

But i do agree when Melanie says relationships should be like friendships. Sorry people, i am not a desperado about marriages. But, i was thinking quietly the whole night about what Melanie and i talked. I jsut felt i must lend my voice to this issue. It is one sided. But its what i feel.

Love to me means more than what people do these days

Love isnt glamourous…its like what my parents share..tolerance…no matter how much one plays xbox and no matter how much one watches tv…they still stick together like STINK ON A WARTHOG…

thats love…

Tarkan drives me crazy with his songs!

This guy had been my favorite singer for years. He is turkey’s no.1 . I hardly listen to english or even indian songs. Only the good ones. I find arabic and turkish beats hit the right beat for me. I love tarkan. If i ever see him, i would say SENI SEVIYORUM lol.

I first saw his clip in kerala. And i think he has the most charming eyes. Another singer i like is Ramy ayach.

But nothing beats tarkan. His music is so good. And he always makes me smile. There is this charm about this singer, i dont feel with any other singer. He just rocks. He learnt english and released an album. Mass confusion. Wow, i was expecting a turkish accent. But his english was so good. I was cheering him. I hear tarkan didnt evem know how to speak english. He took lessons. Amazing! We love you tarkan!

TWO PEOPLE WITHIN ME…

Sabreena looks into the mirror with tears in her eyes.

Angry at herself for killing again.

“Why are you so upset. You did what she deserved”

Sabreena isnt surprised or shocked by the talking image in the mirror.

She has gotten used to it.

T

he mirror image was none other than Shanu.

Shanu claims to be protecting her, securing her.

Shanu is ruthless

No doubt she is a good friend

No doubt she becomes an armour to protect Sabreena from cruelty.

But when her form takes over Sabreena

There is destruction all around.Shanu is like a robot.

She knows no compassion.

She knows no pity.

She is a machine.

She doesnt think when she kills,

Her goal is to protect Sabreena

Shanu used to be a tiny part of Sabreena

People hardly notice Shanu.

But Sabreena herself puts on the armour Shanu when cruelty around gets too much

Sabreena herself let Shanu take control

.But now, it becomes too much for Sabreena

Shanu kills everyone near the slighest radar of threat.

Sometimes Shanu kills Sabreena’s friends.

Sometimes her own family…

Sabreena feels like she is dying slowly

There is no longer one person.

There are two.

Shanu…Sabreena…

Shanu becomes a larger part of Sabreena

Shanu claims she is protecting Sabreena

Shanu takes over claiming she will protect Sabreena forever,,,

Will Sabreena diminish slowly…

Should Sabreena cut off this main artery of kinship..

What if she dies in the process…

Bellydance shimmy video/ Ideal man

 

Well lately. I have been having pressure from everywhere. Its a wonder why i hadnt lost my head? Today, i was so frustrated and i shimmied so long to see how long i can actually do that. Even though i think i dropped dead after that.

Those who still couldnt figure out a shimmy. This is it! I havent been having much luck with belly rolls. I can identify and push out my upper stomach muscle but i think my lower one has gone for some vacation. I am yet to locate it. Ever since, i did belly rolls i realise my movements in bellydance has become very flexible.

The ideal man?

To be honest, i have given up hope. Arwa told me that i am so used to playing the victim i continue wanting to be victimised. I realized that i really forgot what i want. I hate writing these things in a blog or even a diary. I believe this things make me look weak and vulerable. Its like i have spent too much time in a cage that i forgot the taste of freedom.  So i decided to list down everything i want so that i can keep reminding myself.. I am not too ambitious…

Can i have someone gentle?

Someone who gives some importance to what i say?

Someone who believes in mutual respect?

Someone who doesnt force me into doing things agianst my wishes?

Someone who respects my body mind and soul?

Someone who i can lean on to for the first time in my life?

Someone whom i can really talk about anything to?

Someone who respects my family and freedom?

Someone who will let me fly

Someone who will not abandon me

Someone who doesnt dominate me

Someone who doesnt humiliate me

Someone who lets me have my own space when i need it

Someone who will travel the world with me and help the poor

Someone who doesnt shout too much

Someone who will stay with me till the dying day?

I really dont want anything else i guess. Arwa always tells me to remmeber who i am than moulding myself to what the companion wants me to be. I am really a lame person i guess. Maybe i am so used to being suffocated that i believe the cage is where i really belong.  I know this is an EMO post. But, i swear i dont want money, roses or posh restaurants…All i want is someone who doesnt abuse me..

I shall refer back to this post whenever i think i forget…haiz…

Lingerie and Me

 

Okay today i am going to talk about UNDERWEARS! Well this striked me as i was walking past lingerie shops and i remmebered once going with my friend Shirin for a Victoria secrets Sale or something. Shirin has a fascination for branded…to put in layman terms…UNDERWEARS.

I laughed when she was choosing G strings. And she was persuading me to get some. They were STRINGS. Seriously STRINGS. I was thinking in my mind, what has the world come to? First, they loved big underwears, then now STRINGS?

Well if i am going to fork out 100 bucks on a bra, i rather flaunt it.  Ive seen some pathetic teenagers who spend so much on G strings, that they let it peek out of their jeans, to show its worth. I told Shirin this, when i have a husband then i would get them. So i can make HIM watch me parading in my expensive bra and and strings! Atleast its worth the money!

Push up bras

Another fascination my friend has is over push up bras. Well, if you ask me, i would tell you this. Some women flaunt their boobs so much, and when they finally take off their push up bras, it causes much disappointment to the male, doesnt it?

Well i think i have more than enough for my thin frame and i am covering it with shawls, if i were to wear a push up, i would always have to be conscious especially if i am standing near tall men. I am conscious enough when i am wearing low cut blouses without shawls.

What would i go for?

Since now i am unmarried, i would go for comfort. Something that supports my boobs. Some of these push ups and push downs can be uncomfortable if you are a very self conscious person. I guess i am shy to push up my boobs and flaunt IT. Its nt my character…

But i would certainly invest in some good lingerie some day. Right now, i am aiming for this nice sexy bellydancing bra. Its sooo shimmery and nice. I can dance in my room all day long.

Sexy right?

Battle Royale…Unflattering photos

I hate josh to the core. He just proved the point i look old. Now compare my face to my “classmates.” I look like their teacher.

This photo is yucky…bbut i must admit, it looks like my character. Just like Josh talks too much…i think tooo much. Like what the hell is there to think after the movie? So serious..Really i better graduate ASAP…i might produce white hair by 3rd yeaR..

This foto is dediacted to T1B2. Jacky’s pose is famous now. Even lecturers do it. God! I look so old. I look older than Melanie and Ryan. This sucks..

Thanks Josh for proving me the point that i am old lady.

WINGLESS BIRD (written a year ago)

Another night…

Another day passes breaking into darkness…

As darkness eats into the day, i snuggle in my warm cosy cage

Looking at my Master, his prescence giving me a sort of comfort

Security and happiness

I look far into the crimson red skies

I see my own kind chirping, flying hastily to their nests

I snuggle myself to a comfortable position

A satisfied smile spreading across my face as i compare my life with them

I used to be just like them

Flying across the sky, smiling and feeling the breeze

But i have given up all this to prove my love to my Master

He likes me in a cage, happy to possess me

I miss my freedom sometimes, but i think this is my world

Every bird’s destiny is to serve its Master

Slumber crept into my eyes

Slowly slowly, i drowned deeper into my sleep

“Thud” i fall flat into cold concrete floor

Cold bolting through my body making me shiver

I was blind, i can’t see where i am

“Master! Master! where are you!” i screamed

Frantically flapping my wings

Failing, i hit the hard cold floor over and over again

Dragging myself forward, i felt something wet and long

“Grass?” am i in the open? “Where is my cage?”

Tears rolling from my eyes, i heard footsteps walking

Away it went, followed by a loud slam

Those familar footsteps, belong to my Master!

I began to choke in my own tears

My master was my father, my mother and my only relation

I gave up my freedom for him

Today, i lay helpless in a strange place

Flapping my wings, i try to fly

Trying to trace back to what i was good at

My heart engulfs with fear

The very security i thought i had is no more

Staggering towards the darkness

Once my fear, now this very darkness is my home

I had to learn

As i walked, my reality became more certain, and the reality i believed in

Fell apart into a billion pieces

Will this ever end? I ask myself

But these very words echoed back to me

Struggling between fear and courage i walked

Flapping my wings vigourously

I wouldnt let an animal eat me

I will fly the same skies i abandoned for my Master

Flapped with all my might, hopped hoping to learn

I dont want to die, i dont want to give up

My heart beats with pain, each beat reflecting how much my Master hurt me

So many promises, all of them fake

Which is reality, which is a dream, nothing is clear making my eyes foggy

I flap again and again

Harder and harder

I feel myself go higher in the air

Joy makes my heart skip

I feel as if im a child again

Higher and higher i went

The first rays of the sun brightened the sky

“I can see! I can see!” i exclaim to myself

Familar voices fill the air

Voices of my kind chirping away

Away i flew, closer to them

I see them in the morning light

Dancing, singing, skipping with joy

I fly to them

and bumped into one

A pretty eyed bird, belonging to my kind

She chirped a hello sweety to me

I looked to her, with a bashful smile

These are my people. these are my kind

They were always guiding me even through the darkest times

“where are you from?” the pretty bird cooed

i gestured my wing to the house in the distance

A golden cage hung there

Once my home, now seemed a prison

I squinted into the bright morning light as i saw my Master walking in the garden

Something was in his hand, i couldnt clearly see

I looked deeper, but it only made my heart sink

Another bird in his hand, just like me it trusts his kind

I looked away from my past, as if it is a nightmare

I hold my pretty maiden’s wing and flew away into my reality

that always holds my identity

where there is your freedom, that is where you truly belong

I believe art and writing needs emotions. Thats why i write or draw when i am emotional. It makes me reflect and diverts my negative energy away. For some reason, i like what i wrote here. Maybe because of the emotional attachment behind it. I found this when i was opening some old files and thought of posting it. And really guys. forgive the Typo. Its not that im a bad speller just a bad typer and sometimes when technology gets too complicated, i find it hard to conceal my mistakes, thats why most of my presentations are presented with errors. Haiz.. Jacky find it funny though…lol